It is inevitable that there are going to be major hiccups when you are trying to surmount a rather foreboding cliff. It doesn't get any easier especially when you are trying to combat your own inner negativities. Detailed Introspection followed by identification is the starting point. You are merely at the base of the cliff. You take another step forward. The climb ahead is arduous, rarely a journey that one would undertake voluntarily. With every painstaking step that you take forward you undergo your own spiritual metamorphosis. Not giving it undue importance, this spiritual change is as important as physical change. One always runs the risk of stagnation when there is no urgency to regenerate your soul.
Your soul is a living embodiment. You can't afford to let it starve. It needs to be fed regularly. Hygiene should be of utmost consideration. Everything must pass through a sieve before it reaches the Soul. Only when the impurities are discarded, you can say your Soul is on the path of regeneration. It is important to identify these impurities.
2011 has been all about identifying these multifarious impurities. I started my journey from the base, discontented and disillusioned. Every minute, every second since then has been a journey. With great Evil comes greater Good. This journey has been a constant reminder to refute the erroneous, discard the transient and reveal the true. The ultimate destination is not a measurable state. It is dynamic, profound and subject to constant change. It takes one years of assiduous practice to arrive at this state but only a second to deviate. I have deviated time and again. The only thing that has made me keep at it is genuine compassion and goodness. Compassion like goodness cannot be quantified in measurable terms. Every sentient being is capable of both. What matters is whether you are able to perceive this innate goodness in everyone. Only when you smile, the world will start smiling at you. I can't really remain knotted inside and expect the world to come and untangle me. No one is really bad when you actually look at the bigger picture. Everyone has their own justifications in place which can either be valid or invalid again according to you. Things get much simpler when you realize that no one has actually entrusted us with the responsibility to declare someone as right or wrong. To prove yourself right, you do not really need to prove someone else wrong. How righteous are we anyway? Freedom of speech does appear to be a very convenient contention here.
2011 has been all about undoing the baggage of things already done in a fit of impulsiveness and moments of displaced anger. Technically, it is impossible to undo things already done and on hindsight, I am happier this is the way it is. Looking back I really do not regret anything in entirety, apart from certain things in bits and pieces. You never know how strong your much talked about bonds of friendship are until the time they are tested. I am glad that I had to go through this test. I know who my true friends are. The rest are best left as acquaintances and it is best that one does not closely mingle with acquaintances. However, one person has been constant and there is little that I can do about it. Yes, at times it is ironical and extremely painful but I am willing to go through this pain in its entirety. This has been a conscious decision and I have inflicted myself a lot of pain, hurt and suppressed tears in the process but somewhere I have never been able to undermine the importance. I have realized, it is okay to hold on to what you believe in. Why is it so easy to grow distant when someone hurts you? We don't really decide anything here; it is always our ego and our false sense of vanity doing the talking. Dialogue is perhaps the only way to bridge the distance which is almost always self-imposed but taking the initiative would mean bending down and going back on what I had said once. One can't really surrender his ego here. Can he, now? The preferable option is to bind yourself, feign indifference and wave it aside with a dismissive flick. But I have realized, it takes a lot of resilience to stand up fearlessly for what matters to you , irrespective of what people have to say about you.
2011 has also been about finding my soul-sister, coming across the right people at the right time. Friends, who won't judge you for anything in the world because they have a certain amount of faith that can't really get erased overnight. 2011 has been all about heart to heart bonding in its purest essence. I do not ever think that just through mere words, I can give these people, the credit that they actually deserve. From their spirit of never begrudging, I have learnt what it means to be truly good. From them I have learnt, no matter how much people hurt you, it is not okay to hurt them back. I have learnt, no matter how righteous you are, NOTHING can justify your actions, when you are conscious of the fact that the other person is being hurt.2011 has also been about selflessly working for other people's happiness, doing everything in my power to resolve differences so that others can be truly happy. I have come to realize that it takes a lot of courage to be selfless but in the end it gives you a liberating feeling that nothing else can really compensate.
I am still nowhere near the top of the cliff but I want to believe that 2012 would see me further in this journey of self-improvement and spiritual regeneration of the soul.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
the most important person!
I have finally reached that stage when i have identified the most important man in my life.justsaying.after all these years.
Thank you Sensei.Others might come and go but you will reign forever.You make me a better human being with each passing day.hopefully. you make me want to reach out and fill everyone's life with happiness irrespective of whoever he/she is. You make me never want to give up.
There are days when nothing feels right and then i quietly enter my room..my legs give way and i settle down at the abysmal corner of my room.It is then when i gaze at your every smiling framed picture who has nothing but love and compassion to give. You remind me, i am special , meant for an unique mission. You make me reaffirm my Faith. You remind me of Partho's promise- his ichinen to meet you, no matter what and his firm conviction that You are closely watching ME every second... You remind me of my silent vow , that i will give it my all.I am the Sun of happiness..i won't accept defeat. never. I know,you are watching over ME. You make me clean the rust and polish my armour day in and day out.I am your blue-eyed girl.
and that is the time, when i get up, open the door of my altar, light the incense sticks and chant the magic words. Somewhere,my life-state expands and everything is alright again. This world is my kosen-rufu land and i being your disciple..will fight till the end.i am mystically empowered.
Thank you Sensei for being the most important man in my life. I will report every little victory to you and never let you down again..as i have done in the past. Your reassurance fills my soul with utmost happiness.I will dedicate myself to kosen-rufu.
We are walking the path..
My mentor and I,
Turning Sorrow to happiness..
tears to smile..
Playiing our parts,
Yet one in our hearts..
Thank you Sensei.Others might come and go but you will reign forever.You make me a better human being with each passing day.hopefully. you make me want to reach out and fill everyone's life with happiness irrespective of whoever he/she is. You make me never want to give up.
There are days when nothing feels right and then i quietly enter my room..my legs give way and i settle down at the abysmal corner of my room.It is then when i gaze at your every smiling framed picture who has nothing but love and compassion to give. You remind me, i am special , meant for an unique mission. You make me reaffirm my Faith. You remind me of Partho's promise- his ichinen to meet you, no matter what and his firm conviction that You are closely watching ME every second... You remind me of my silent vow , that i will give it my all.I am the Sun of happiness..i won't accept defeat. never. I know,you are watching over ME. You make me clean the rust and polish my armour day in and day out.I am your blue-eyed girl.
and that is the time, when i get up, open the door of my altar, light the incense sticks and chant the magic words. Somewhere,my life-state expands and everything is alright again. This world is my kosen-rufu land and i being your disciple..will fight till the end.i am mystically empowered.
Thank you Sensei for being the most important man in my life. I will report every little victory to you and never let you down again..as i have done in the past. Your reassurance fills my soul with utmost happiness.I will dedicate myself to kosen-rufu.
We are walking the path..
My mentor and I,
Turning Sorrow to happiness..
tears to smile..
Playiing our parts,
Yet one in our hearts..
Sunday, September 11, 2011
.............
There is so much left unsaid.
Telling it all, would be like scraping a wound that has partly congealed. Like poking it with a needle until you scream out in anguish. I had conveniently clogged my escape vent so that I did not have to express myself anymore.
Words unceremoniously discarded me and ended it all. It pushed me from the terrace-top when I was precariously positioned on the edge. I was suspended in mid-air for a brief instant and then I was hurtling towards the swirling mass of the black bottom less sea. The last view of the bright horizon and the deluded hope of starting all over again smothered me.
I remember peering, half-hidden through the curtains. Baba reclining on the arm-chair, engrossed in a musty black hard bound book. I remember taking a tentative step forward and finally yielding to my curiousity…and then him tenderly placing me on his lap, reciting Whitman.
My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
I was light and weightless then. His voice filled up my senses. I would willingly drown in that voice again and again.
My romantic relationship with Words had already started unknown to me. I was small and incapable of handling such an explosive relationship. It was strenuous at first but with years and more practice, we opened up to each other and conveniently understood each other’s needs. It was a relationship out of choice and not compulsion which made all the difference. Wordlessly we forged a bond that transcended materialistic ties.
All this abruptly ended one day. No amount of persuasion or rhetoric could rekindle that same passion once again.
I retaliated even more ruthlessly. I pierced the Words brutally and shoved it down a tin cylinder. I could feel the Life ebbing and the Words disintegrating. The necessity to express shall not rise again.
Hurt, bruised and angry I retreated in my dark room forever searching for my Words.
I was wrong. I was forever trying to escape but now I don’t intend to run any longer. Happiness lies in acceptance.
I am willing to give this love affair a second chance and let my Words breathe again.
Telling it all, would be like scraping a wound that has partly congealed. Like poking it with a needle until you scream out in anguish. I had conveniently clogged my escape vent so that I did not have to express myself anymore.
Words unceremoniously discarded me and ended it all. It pushed me from the terrace-top when I was precariously positioned on the edge. I was suspended in mid-air for a brief instant and then I was hurtling towards the swirling mass of the black bottom less sea. The last view of the bright horizon and the deluded hope of starting all over again smothered me.
I remember peering, half-hidden through the curtains. Baba reclining on the arm-chair, engrossed in a musty black hard bound book. I remember taking a tentative step forward and finally yielding to my curiousity…and then him tenderly placing me on his lap, reciting Whitman.
My Captain does not answer, his lips are pale and still;
My father does not feel my arm, he has no pulse nor will;
The ship is anchor'd safe and sound, its voyage closed and done;
From fearful trip, the victor ship, comes in with object won;
Exult, O shores, and ring, O bells!
But I, with mournful tread,
Walk the deck my Captain lies,
Fallen cold and dead.
I was light and weightless then. His voice filled up my senses. I would willingly drown in that voice again and again.
My romantic relationship with Words had already started unknown to me. I was small and incapable of handling such an explosive relationship. It was strenuous at first but with years and more practice, we opened up to each other and conveniently understood each other’s needs. It was a relationship out of choice and not compulsion which made all the difference. Wordlessly we forged a bond that transcended materialistic ties.
All this abruptly ended one day. No amount of persuasion or rhetoric could rekindle that same passion once again.
I retaliated even more ruthlessly. I pierced the Words brutally and shoved it down a tin cylinder. I could feel the Life ebbing and the Words disintegrating. The necessity to express shall not rise again.
Hurt, bruised and angry I retreated in my dark room forever searching for my Words.
I was wrong. I was forever trying to escape but now I don’t intend to run any longer. Happiness lies in acceptance.
I am willing to give this love affair a second chance and let my Words breathe again.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
DISJOINTED
Call it queer or weird but she didn't want to talk to anyone which was so unlike her.She ruthlessly threw her cell phone with all the strength she could muster and hurled it at the blank wall in front of her. Her phone however withstood the torture and defiantly landed on the floor with a deafening sound.As if to establish it's defiance,it started vibrating seconds after it had been unceremoniously discarded.She switched off the intrusive little object and threw it right back on the floor.She did not know why she felt so agitated and disoriented all of a sudden.
She couldn't pinpoint the actual reason that had caused her to behave in such an uncharacteristic manner.This was the culmination of too many things at the same time.Her forehead was throbbing painfully.She desperately looked for an outlet to give vent to her frustrations.
She just wanted to sit down and think but she couldn't get her thoughts to cohere at a single point.Random images and disconnected memories flitted in and out of her mind.It was almost like she was looking at the inside of the kaleidoscope where the images kept changing with each turn.She was frantically searching for a reprieve from the deluge of past memories that kept coming back to her.
She was tired of every damn thing-tired of LIFE.She was tired of always having to keep up appearances-tired of being the cool-headed diplomat who wouldn't turn a hair even under the most excruciating circumstance.She had started to hate the image that people had of her in their minds.She knew her image fluctuated with the vagaries of her behaviour and different people had different opinions about her. Over the years,she had succeeded in creating contrasting multiple personalities of her own self which varied from people to people.She donned on the garb of the sympathetic listener,the cynical intellectual,the vivacious,garrulous eighteen year old and that of the confident,unassuming go-getter with equal ease.BUT for the first time,she was tired of the sense of obligation and commitment that had come to burden her like a millstone round her neck.She was tired of being misunderstood-tired of behaving in an expected manner-tired of pleasing everybody.
For the first time,she felt exposed in front of her own self and with the insouciance of an immatured,insecure child,she started screaming at the top of her voice and then spent,dissolved into convulsive sobs.
She switched on her phone.The text messages kept coming in one by one.Some expressed concern while some expressed reproach.Bo said "D,y is ur cel switchd off??i hav bin tryin 2 reach u ol day.hav u gone nuts??.plss respond".
Ana said "D,stop bhavin like a kid.do u even knw wat ur about 2 do?hav u lost it girl?i knw its difficult 4 u.pls v ol luv u.v want u 2 b happy."
Jay sed "Please pick up your phone.Do you think you can BEAR it?"
and the final text read "D, i know i hav hurt you badly.i hav been terribly mean,stupid,selfish.haven't ever tried understanding u.u hav always told me you are nothing without me but hav you ever wondered whether i am anything without you?i knw u love me a lot.please come back."
There was one thing that she could never face and that was rejection of her ego.
She remained unmoved and started deleting the text messages one by one.
She knew then that the time had come for detachment.
She couldn't pinpoint the actual reason that had caused her to behave in such an uncharacteristic manner.This was the culmination of too many things at the same time.Her forehead was throbbing painfully.She desperately looked for an outlet to give vent to her frustrations.
She just wanted to sit down and think but she couldn't get her thoughts to cohere at a single point.Random images and disconnected memories flitted in and out of her mind.It was almost like she was looking at the inside of the kaleidoscope where the images kept changing with each turn.She was frantically searching for a reprieve from the deluge of past memories that kept coming back to her.
She was tired of every damn thing-tired of LIFE.She was tired of always having to keep up appearances-tired of being the cool-headed diplomat who wouldn't turn a hair even under the most excruciating circumstance.She had started to hate the image that people had of her in their minds.She knew her image fluctuated with the vagaries of her behaviour and different people had different opinions about her. Over the years,she had succeeded in creating contrasting multiple personalities of her own self which varied from people to people.She donned on the garb of the sympathetic listener,the cynical intellectual,the vivacious,garrulous eighteen year old and that of the confident,unassuming go-getter with equal ease.BUT for the first time,she was tired of the sense of obligation and commitment that had come to burden her like a millstone round her neck.She was tired of being misunderstood-tired of behaving in an expected manner-tired of pleasing everybody.
For the first time,she felt exposed in front of her own self and with the insouciance of an immatured,insecure child,she started screaming at the top of her voice and then spent,dissolved into convulsive sobs.
She switched on her phone.The text messages kept coming in one by one.Some expressed concern while some expressed reproach.Bo said "D,y is ur cel switchd off??i hav bin tryin 2 reach u ol day.hav u gone nuts??.plss respond".
Ana said "D,stop bhavin like a kid.do u even knw wat ur about 2 do?hav u lost it girl?i knw its difficult 4 u.pls v ol luv u.v want u 2 b happy."
Jay sed "Please pick up your phone.Do you think you can BEAR it?"
and the final text read "D, i know i hav hurt you badly.i hav been terribly mean,stupid,selfish.haven't ever tried understanding u.u hav always told me you are nothing without me but hav you ever wondered whether i am anything without you?i knw u love me a lot.please come back."
There was one thing that she could never face and that was rejection of her ego.
She remained unmoved and started deleting the text messages one by one.
She knew then that the time had come for detachment.
Friday, March 5, 2010
when you have a lot to say but lack the enthusiasm...
i seriously need to get back to writing..i know i sound apologetic but a very terrifying thought has been tormenting me for quite some days now which hasn't done much to my already disintegrating self-confidence.
There are those days when i am considerably high for no apparent reason whatsoever..i feel i am almost at the zenith of this universe..the lone man standing u know with that super exuberant "bring it on" gleeful smile.. i feel almost invincible n yess surprisingly powerful..a weird kind of a beautiful sensation when you know You are the Boss and somewhere you are at a position where you can command..nothing can go wrong with you at that particular moment..and without appearing to be condescending,you want the entire world to know that you are somewhat Superior..but next instant before you realize you have hit rock bottom and you come tumbling down from your exalted state of ecstacy..and things have to go wrong then almost purposefully i feel then,which accentuates your sense of delusion..
lately..i have been going through this phase when i repeatedly keep feeling "i am losing my touch"..needless to say it is indeed a v frightening thought..there is this gnawing feeling at the back of my mind that somewhere i am losing my creativity..the power of expression..i had never been an eloquent speaker or a prolific writer but somewhere i had always taken pride in the fact that i was somehow in some weird way different, special from the others.. I suddenly did not feel so "special" anymore..this over-rated feeling of apparent self delusion was however concocted by none other than yours truly..it was my self defence mechanism that i had created for myself which i feel is not working anymore..the realization is indeed difficult to comprehend unless one goes through a simmilar phase..
there are days when i get up in the mornings and feel i cannot write anymore..i am running out of ideas..i do attempt to write something but end up feeling the plot that i have created is too hackneyed and cliched..sheets of paper torn out hastily from my note-book in a moment of divine inspiration lies crumpled up untidly on my bed looking v much in sync and accentuating the sense of disorder that one feels when they enter my room..i had always been a disorganized person..something that i had always tried to justify when given a chance..
i really want to say a lot but as my post says..i am just lacking the enthusiasm these days..
i want to get back to my exalted state v soon n i guess i will soon enough n then i want to believe there would be this endless stream of blog posts that i would churn out regularly and my words would be eloquent and expressions articulate and my ideas well would be different..more like SPECIAL..well so much for my optimism
i'l get back soon
There are those days when i am considerably high for no apparent reason whatsoever..i feel i am almost at the zenith of this universe..the lone man standing u know with that super exuberant "bring it on" gleeful smile.. i feel almost invincible n yess surprisingly powerful..a weird kind of a beautiful sensation when you know You are the Boss and somewhere you are at a position where you can command..nothing can go wrong with you at that particular moment..and without appearing to be condescending,you want the entire world to know that you are somewhat Superior..but next instant before you realize you have hit rock bottom and you come tumbling down from your exalted state of ecstacy..and things have to go wrong then almost purposefully i feel then,which accentuates your sense of delusion..
lately..i have been going through this phase when i repeatedly keep feeling "i am losing my touch"..needless to say it is indeed a v frightening thought..there is this gnawing feeling at the back of my mind that somewhere i am losing my creativity..the power of expression..i had never been an eloquent speaker or a prolific writer but somewhere i had always taken pride in the fact that i was somehow in some weird way different, special from the others.. I suddenly did not feel so "special" anymore..this over-rated feeling of apparent self delusion was however concocted by none other than yours truly..it was my self defence mechanism that i had created for myself which i feel is not working anymore..the realization is indeed difficult to comprehend unless one goes through a simmilar phase..
there are days when i get up in the mornings and feel i cannot write anymore..i am running out of ideas..i do attempt to write something but end up feeling the plot that i have created is too hackneyed and cliched..sheets of paper torn out hastily from my note-book in a moment of divine inspiration lies crumpled up untidly on my bed looking v much in sync and accentuating the sense of disorder that one feels when they enter my room..i had always been a disorganized person..something that i had always tried to justify when given a chance..
i really want to say a lot but as my post says..i am just lacking the enthusiasm these days..
i want to get back to my exalted state v soon n i guess i will soon enough n then i want to believe there would be this endless stream of blog posts that i would churn out regularly and my words would be eloquent and expressions articulate and my ideas well would be different..more like SPECIAL..well so much for my optimism
i'l get back soon
Monday, January 18, 2010
ANGUISH!!!
the feeling of anguish mingled with the powerful all-consuming sense of regret is indeed terrible.now this feeling of anguish n regret, is something that creeps in when you least expect it and the uncanny suddenness of this feeling leaves you dazed and momentarily bewildered.
i believe this feeling comes to you like an uninvited guest and generally overstays its visit but therez precious little you could do bout it..but then you know that this is the signal for you to make amends even though there is this small voice at the back of your head reminding you that NOTHING PROBABLY WOULD BE THE SAME AGAIN...
all you are left with,is your bemused gaze desperately trying to grasp..what actually went wrong??.
few more days pass and you look into the mirror to find dishevelled hair,haggard appearance and a solitary tear trickling down your cheeks...you want to cry out aloud but the clammy hands of ANGUISH and REGRET vehemently seems to grasp your neck in an attempt to strangulate you..all you are left with is sadly the overwhelming sense of helplessness..
but then again with the same kind of suddenness...like a bolt out of the blue..you realize the depths of your stupidity and you try to move on with a strength and vigour that is baffling and at the same time commendable..
n then the SUN-SHINE is back again..
i believe this feeling comes to you like an uninvited guest and generally overstays its visit but therez precious little you could do bout it..but then you know that this is the signal for you to make amends even though there is this small voice at the back of your head reminding you that NOTHING PROBABLY WOULD BE THE SAME AGAIN...
all you are left with,is your bemused gaze desperately trying to grasp..what actually went wrong??.
few more days pass and you look into the mirror to find dishevelled hair,haggard appearance and a solitary tear trickling down your cheeks...you want to cry out aloud but the clammy hands of ANGUISH and REGRET vehemently seems to grasp your neck in an attempt to strangulate you..all you are left with is sadly the overwhelming sense of helplessness..
but then again with the same kind of suddenness...like a bolt out of the blue..you realize the depths of your stupidity and you try to move on with a strength and vigour that is baffling and at the same time commendable..
n then the SUN-SHINE is back again..
Sunday, December 27, 2009
I do not know what to name this...
I hate starting my every post with "i know it has been ages since i last posted..." but then again *in a reflective voice*....it's been actually really ages since i last posted .. *sighs* n i really do not have any apt exscuse for it save lethargy and an abysmal state of mind gyrating between intense frenzy and optimism [even when u know, u are not even aware of half the things existing in your syllabus...forget even preparing for them]to severe pessimism and frustration heightened by an uncontrollable bitter tongue that lets itself loose on any unsuspecting victim remorselessly...yess, i ritually go through these loser-like "i do not know what i want" phases and end up bickering,fighting,shouting,cursing at all those people who sadly do care for me and stoically puts up with my indifference and idiocy and still puts in an effort to make me smile..
guys, i know i have lost count of how much i really owe you all especially to rituparna who has borne the brunt of my relentless tirades for the past seven years now...but it would really do me a world of good to have some sense knocked into me especially when i am on this loser-like mode..
i have one of these shocking pink wannabe t-shirts which is so in-your-face and screams out aloud "yes, i am spoilt..so what's your point??"...okk i just confessed i am a loser..this was just to further accentuate my loser quotient[ from henceforth i'll reffer to it simply as LQ]
one of my friends who incidentally is my blogging inspiration cuz he first introduced me on blogsphere says that "blogging is like this tonic" which refreshes your mind and basically reminds you of a better way to kill time rather than scaling new heights of joblessness every passing day..
come to think of it, i owe a lot to abhishek. with 2009 drawing to a close, there has been so many unexpected yet significant series of incidents in my life.
it's been almost a year now since i got to know a certain Abhishek Pal who happened to be this arrogant, over-confident, overtly presumtuous Mr Know it all who happened to believe he is god's gift to mankind..n to make matters worse he happened to be riju's best buddy and ritz's best friend n all my close friends absolutely adored him.His definition of himself went something like "I AM A MALFUNCTIONING,OBTUSE,ATHEISTIC,IRRITATING,EXTROVERT, SARCASTIC, PSYCHOTIC,IMPISH,MEGALOMANIAC ,MASQUERADING YET A HARMLESS CREATURE" especially after this, i am sure you cannot blame me for labelling him as arrogant and too big for his boots..Now i really want to believe, i am this perspicacious girl who is blessed with this gift of reading people's minds..in fact i am also a little arrogant and egoistical in my own sweet way i suppose..
so abhishek n me, our journey started on a v bad note...the beginning was anything but grand with me pointing out in a cloyingly sweet voice that could be well mistaken as the voice of superiority that "advice" is a noun and "advise" is a verb..hehehehehe..
amazing how certain incidents that reached explosive heights of idiocy at some point of time manages to bring a smile onto your face when you think bout it later..yess i do smile when i think bout dat incident now
what followed that debacle was even more surprising for me. My friends actually went out of their way to convince me how great Mr Pal supposedly was.He was this apparently "caring, understanding" person who juggled both academics and extra curricular activities with aplomb and grace that was enviable.riju convinced me to read his blog...and at that point of time, i was blissfully unaware of what a "blog" was.
However, some things i guess are pre-destined and great minds are meant to interact..lolzz..The IMPOSSIBLE happened, both of us mutually decided to resolve our childish differences and whatever grudges we had against each other and become "friends"..and yess with help from abhishek, i created my own account on blogger and wrote my first ever post..i returned the favour, by reading his every post on his blog and i admit i was speechless and absolutely floored by his writing. Being in JUDE now, i surely have come across a lot of good writers now but i still retain,he is one of the finest writers i have ever come across. I was dumbstruck by the sheer brilliance and intricacy of his writings and amazed at the plethora of talent that unfolded before my eyes as i read each of his posts.i admired the way he effortlessly balanced both the vernaculars and english language.
We went on to become firm friends with him being a pillar of strength and support during the most indecisive phase of my life when every day found me closer onto the path of disillusionment and derangement.He was like this "beacon of hope" amidst the darkness.i remember all the lengthy text messages,the conversations and those words of wisdom.i had some idea then why all my friends actually adored him so much.This guy could do anything for his friends.
Today, i still find him irritating at times especially when he starts puling my leg, i still keep correcting his english....sometimes even when he is right, i have to prove him wrong with my air of superiority intact... but he scores every time over me, i humbly confess..but today, i would say i am truly lucky to have a friend who is not only supremely talented but a very good human being..
it was nice meeting abhishek,sam,sakallya n maddie this 25th...we had one of our trademark uninterrupted crap talking sessions that was indeed reinvigorating and revitalizing....i remember, my childish enthusiasm and eagerness when i started describing our apparently exciting syllabus for the next semester and abhishek's rapt attention...he is one of those few people outside JUDE with whom i can talk bout my syllabus and not run the risk of getting bored cuz it's books and literature which has always been our binding factor..Somewhere today amidst all that superficial arrogance,today i know who my friend truly is and i have got this immense respect and admiration for him..
I have lost so many things this year,i guess, i myself, have lost count of what i have truly lost but amidst all the darkness and the uncertainty i have gained certain friends and looking back, now i know, i could never have wished for anything more..
i really do not know why i actually wrote this today..guess i suddenly remembered the "advice" and "advise" incident and could not help not smiling and remembering my one-time enemy and now friend..lolzz..and i also remembered what made me start blogging in the first place..
i'll get back to blogging again regularly v soon..
i will...
guys, i know i have lost count of how much i really owe you all especially to rituparna who has borne the brunt of my relentless tirades for the past seven years now...but it would really do me a world of good to have some sense knocked into me especially when i am on this loser-like mode..
i have one of these shocking pink wannabe t-shirts which is so in-your-face and screams out aloud "yes, i am spoilt..so what's your point??"...okk i just confessed i am a loser..this was just to further accentuate my loser quotient[ from henceforth i'll reffer to it simply as LQ]
one of my friends who incidentally is my blogging inspiration cuz he first introduced me on blogsphere says that "blogging is like this tonic" which refreshes your mind and basically reminds you of a better way to kill time rather than scaling new heights of joblessness every passing day..
come to think of it, i owe a lot to abhishek. with 2009 drawing to a close, there has been so many unexpected yet significant series of incidents in my life.
it's been almost a year now since i got to know a certain Abhishek Pal who happened to be this arrogant, over-confident, overtly presumtuous Mr Know it all who happened to believe he is god's gift to mankind..n to make matters worse he happened to be riju's best buddy and ritz's best friend n all my close friends absolutely adored him.His definition of himself went something like "I AM A MALFUNCTIONING,OBTUSE,ATHEISTIC,IRRITATING,EXTROVERT, SARCASTIC, PSYCHOTIC,IMPISH,MEGALOMANIAC ,MASQUERADING YET A HARMLESS CREATURE" especially after this, i am sure you cannot blame me for labelling him as arrogant and too big for his boots..Now i really want to believe, i am this perspicacious girl who is blessed with this gift of reading people's minds..in fact i am also a little arrogant and egoistical in my own sweet way i suppose..
so abhishek n me, our journey started on a v bad note...the beginning was anything but grand with me pointing out in a cloyingly sweet voice that could be well mistaken as the voice of superiority that "advice" is a noun and "advise" is a verb..hehehehehe..
amazing how certain incidents that reached explosive heights of idiocy at some point of time manages to bring a smile onto your face when you think bout it later..yess i do smile when i think bout dat incident now
what followed that debacle was even more surprising for me. My friends actually went out of their way to convince me how great Mr Pal supposedly was.He was this apparently "caring, understanding" person who juggled both academics and extra curricular activities with aplomb and grace that was enviable.riju convinced me to read his blog...and at that point of time, i was blissfully unaware of what a "blog" was.
However, some things i guess are pre-destined and great minds are meant to interact..lolzz..The IMPOSSIBLE happened, both of us mutually decided to resolve our childish differences and whatever grudges we had against each other and become "friends"..and yess with help from abhishek, i created my own account on blogger and wrote my first ever post..i returned the favour, by reading his every post on his blog and i admit i was speechless and absolutely floored by his writing. Being in JUDE now, i surely have come across a lot of good writers now but i still retain,he is one of the finest writers i have ever come across. I was dumbstruck by the sheer brilliance and intricacy of his writings and amazed at the plethora of talent that unfolded before my eyes as i read each of his posts.i admired the way he effortlessly balanced both the vernaculars and english language.
We went on to become firm friends with him being a pillar of strength and support during the most indecisive phase of my life when every day found me closer onto the path of disillusionment and derangement.He was like this "beacon of hope" amidst the darkness.i remember all the lengthy text messages,the conversations and those words of wisdom.i had some idea then why all my friends actually adored him so much.This guy could do anything for his friends.
Today, i still find him irritating at times especially when he starts puling my leg, i still keep correcting his english....sometimes even when he is right, i have to prove him wrong with my air of superiority intact... but he scores every time over me, i humbly confess..but today, i would say i am truly lucky to have a friend who is not only supremely talented but a very good human being..
it was nice meeting abhishek,sam,sakallya n maddie this 25th...we had one of our trademark uninterrupted crap talking sessions that was indeed reinvigorating and revitalizing....i remember, my childish enthusiasm and eagerness when i started describing our apparently exciting syllabus for the next semester and abhishek's rapt attention...he is one of those few people outside JUDE with whom i can talk bout my syllabus and not run the risk of getting bored cuz it's books and literature which has always been our binding factor..Somewhere today amidst all that superficial arrogance,today i know who my friend truly is and i have got this immense respect and admiration for him..
I have lost so many things this year,i guess, i myself, have lost count of what i have truly lost but amidst all the darkness and the uncertainty i have gained certain friends and looking back, now i know, i could never have wished for anything more..
i really do not know why i actually wrote this today..guess i suddenly remembered the "advice" and "advise" incident and could not help not smiling and remembering my one-time enemy and now friend..lolzz..and i also remembered what made me start blogging in the first place..
i'll get back to blogging again regularly v soon..
i will...
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